Hindsight, as we all know, is 20/20. I don’t know how many times I’ve said to myself “I should have seen that coming”....
I've made a decision and ended up being disappointed, derailed or hurt. Well, in actual fact, I often did see it coming, but chose to ignore the warning signs, and more importantly, I chose to ignore that nagging gut feeling that told me that something wasn’t quite right.
Why do we do that? Why do we ignore our most accurate and true compass, our INTUITION?
My intuition, when it fires up to warn me that something is wrong, feels like a swarm of bees in my belly that slowly rises. It starts with a gentle buzzing, but if I am caught up with rationalizing or excusing what I know deep down isn’t in my best interests, those bees take flight and the vibration intensifies and cannot be ignored. I have learned, by experience, to take heed.
We live our lives much of the time in fear of what others think of us, of upsetting others, making them feel bad and not wanting to appear selfish. I believe this is true for many women, and too often we self-sacrifice to put other’s needs and wants squarely first. We have been taught to do it and in doing it we deny our true spirit, we deny ourselves the experience of true meaning and pleasure and we silence our-oh so important intuitive alarm bells.
If we do not listen to ourselves then who else will?
If we do not back ourselves who-else-will?
What IS that feeling?
Say, for instance, you meet a new man and you start to get to know each other. You like him but there is a doubt that you just can’t put your finger on. It isn’t anything he’s specifically done, but something imperceptible is creeping in and creating a slight mistrust. It nags you and pulls at your shirt sleeve, trying to get your attention, like a little girl with something really really important to tell you. You want to give the benefit of the doubt because, after-all, he seems like a great guy, AND what if you are just being silly and getting cold feet. What IF he’s the one and you miss your chance? What if…? Also, you certainly would not want to offend him or hurt his feelings in any way. You wouldn’t want to come across as someone who is demanding and critical now would you? You wouldn’t want to seem like someone who values herself enough to recognize that what she sees in front of her does not serve her, now would you?
Another example may be in a sales environment, when a skilled sales person taps into our discomfort in saying no. How often have you been talked into buying something, all of your objections neatly dealt with, later to feel regret, sometimes even anger at having been manipulated into the purchase? Where is that anger directed? Is it the sales person you are angry with? Or is it pointed at your own heart like a poison dagger?
That FEELING you get in the pit of your stomach, in your heart of hearts, when you are in a moment of doubt, When you can see no logical reason for it, when you are debating in your head, making excuses, telling yourself to stop being ridiculous, that feeling in the pit of your stomach is your deep unconscious KNOWING drawn from the very centre of your soul. It is ancient, pure, timeless and universal. And we attempt to question and override this pure energy with our busy, rationalizing, conditioned thinking mind. Take a look at the image at the top, no wonder we're confused.
What if you just said no?
It is hard to say no because we are brought up being taught to please others and be polite, and often saying no is just not polite.
Can you say “No, I’m not going to do that, it does not serve my best interests.”?
Say it a few times over, does it feel wrong to say that? If so, where in your body is that feeling most intense?
That feeling is you bumping up against a core belief. Those suckers are powerful.
Is it better to agree to something that we know we do not want or need just to avoid displeasing others, and so causing ourselves the pain of feeling less worthy? Is it that we truly believe that we ARE less worthy on some level? If that’s the case we need to talk…
Listening to our intuition may help us to avoid some of the long term hurt and ultimately feel less compelled to give up on our own needs in favour of the needs or demands of others.
Our fear around being judged by others is most often what lands us in hot water. My own intuition has been ignored too many times and I have had to live with the consequences. Many of my experiences could have had a very different outcomes had I listened to my intuition more closely. Happily I can honestly say that is all in the past. I’m definitely still learning, probably always will be, but I know to pay attention when the bees wake up.
It really is OK to say no. It is absolutely essential to say no in those times when your soul speaks it. When we are really tuned in and have the courage to follow our intuition the reward is immeasurable. I have experienced profound peace and sense of satisfaction from decisions and actions based on my intuition. Natural boundaries have grown and others have grown to respect them. Those decisions were not necessarily the easiest, but they felt right.
It is absolutely necessary to nurture ourselves and care as much for ourselves as we do for others. This is particularly true for anyone within an intimate relationship, as the relationship you have with yourself is the foundation for any external relationship. A relationship that demands more of one person than it gives is out of balance and ultimately painful and destructive.
Matrix Reimprinting helps you gently locate core beliefs that drive your patterns of behaviour and thinking, and then change those beliefs and unhealthy perceptions so you can see with new eyes, hear with new ears and make decisions with insight, clarity and honour for yourself.
Book a session, join a workshop, attend a retreat.
Founder & Lead Facilitator, The Life 2 Project